Lolz, why I lolz a lot.

a few years a go, cant remember when exactly, I started just adding lolz to everything I say. Basically conditioning myself to laugh at everything - especially insults, attacks, problems, and hardships.
What used to be gritting my teeth at something shocking, surprising, worrying, problematic is now a wide grimace of almost a smile lolz. I do manage to really laugh most of the time.

I think some people who know me better notice I have a bit of a forced laugh.

This is based on of a lecture of Prof. Robert C. Solomon (passions: philosophy and intelligence of emotions) about how we don't really know our emotions, and that we may be caught up in it without knowing it. My take away is that we shape our approaches by our neuroticism and we can voluntarily choose a better conditioned response.

I'm not satisfied with what I grew up to be my habits and my typical responses to problems, hardships, loss, regret, etc... I want better habits. I want the ones with the most bonuses and least penalties. Laughing - even forcefully making oneself laugh, at hardship, problems, and tragedy (that affect me personally) is a better response in 9/10 situations. It doesnt tunnel my mind like fear or anger, instead I step out of myself and look at that person as being goof who stumbles a lot and gets a few lucky breaks now and then. Its all funny and tragic, but lets try to see the funny side.

These days there is a lot to be happy about, and a lot to laugh at as I make cuts and sacrifices to my behaviors and mindset. The me of the past, the jumble of random baggage and misplaced intent, is pretty much around but as a mental model of what happens by chance and some kindness.  A useful point of reflection that we all have baggage and that i should not make people feel bad about their choices and baggage unless i'm involved and need to correct the situation.

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