Some Lessons from our US Trip 2017-9-20 to 9-30

Lessons from the US.

Outline:

  1. My Genetic Heritage. 
  2. Why we were never good with Planning. 
  3. This too shall pass


My Genetic Heritage

People who are strangers, but share strong similarities in behavior and tendencies.
My mom is one of 6 siblings, the rest are all in the States. So my Cousins of my mother's side are a group of people I don't meet often. Probably once very couple of years, and just for a short bit. So i never really got to know them and have issues with them. I dont have any issues with my Father's side cousins as well. We're not that close.

What is remarkable is the genetic traits when it comes to the Mania and Sleeping. Its in my mother's side where I had the most interesting manifestations of Self Control issues due to our manias and sleeping habits. We are very light sleepers, have some breathing and allergy problems, and have some mania which makes us geek out a lot with regards to our interests. The "running minds" runs in my mother's side. they can't stop thinking and ruminating. This is why I NEED THE NOTEBOOK SO BADLY!!! writing things down is what gives me clarity and controls the compulsion to ruminate.

Seeing my Uncle, my mom's only brother, almost brought me to tears because he was the splitting image of my grandfather. I wanted to tell him what happened to me and how I turned out. The nerd who started it all. It pleased me that he was an engineer and works in Chemical production.

The tendency to be Engineers, Doctors, Lawyers and technicians. Sales and Business Owners is the tendency of the Father side of the family, and while mom and dad were only college graduates and didn't think much of it - my Mother's side relatives were very focused in the technical field and education. Fields which did not require much social ability - because we do have a trade-off the Father' side has - savy and charm.

If I could average out my father side and mother side - technical capabilities are with my mother's side, and social charm and savy is with my father's side. I've had to many anxieties and have magnified much of my internal scrutinity to be comfortable with the Social Side of the human experience. I like keeping things simple - I don't have the presence of mind to be considerate, empathic, advantage seeking, etc... Now I look for these traits in my kids and want to teach them to manage their weaknesses with their strengths.


Why we always fail to Plan. 

We dont' mean to be mean and manipulative. I am a bit controlling, and I can only be checked by someone else being vigilant and not taking that crap. Which is why I married my wife. The thing is this tendency to use raw and blunt means of control tends to bang up our relationships. It is the foundation of why we are poor planners - no one feels like they can be honest and vulnerable to each other. This is a sad tragedy of using deception and manipulation to control.

The feeling of fear to say something like "i love you" when I say it so often to my own wife and children, but I cannot say it to my family strangely related to Planning. Because in a family plan we all have competing objectives and we need to take turns or manage to work towards mutually appreciated attempts.

What happens is the Decision is made "For us" and Guilt comes into play, and all the drama happens we can't be vulnerable and admit to what we need. A healthy family can Plan, always communicates their plans, and can call each other out when we are taking too much from one another. We are allowed to say no and to negotiate.

A family has a healthy relationships will not be worried of receiving gifts and gestures of love and appreciation. They can talk about their problems openly, which leads to discussions about objectives and actions needed.

This too shall Pass

I'm a bit of a Cynic when it comes to "succeeding in a goal". Unless I've seen the process of success and done it myself, I will always be skeptical of advice, recommendations, and plans of others. This is why I see no happy ending to this problem I see with my own family. Is this giving up, or changing strategies, or sunk cost effect? 

I don't know. 

But I know that when I try to undertake a project and try to meet its most basic and minor success I can see far enough of the horizon to know if how much farther to go. Looking back at all the times we screamed at each other, fought, and battle lines we drew, I realized I'm way over my head. 
If smarter people than me have failed, holy shit! I'm the kind of guy who only started curving upwards in late 30s and it takes someone who has 3x the mental endurance, 2x the physical endurance, and 10x the experience to fix this mess. 

I'm 38, turning 39 and my body is failing before my eyes and documentation. I will never be stronger than I was 2 years ago, and everything is down hill. All I am doing is cannibalizing everything to be productive enough to succeed in small things inch my inch.   

I am facing saying good by to Airsoft and the Dream of HMA, that while I will work all my routines around the two - I will never have the time to be any good at them as I approach maturity in PM, OM, QM, Teaching, and technical mastery.

The ISO Audit saved my Ass at work, by having a 3rd party confirm my own assessment of the company but It requires extraordinary luck and unfailing health to get the company to where it needs to be.

Oh yeah... why am I talking about work - because Work is what is bank rolling all the things that allow us to have connections with family in the US. Its a relationship that becomes more distance as we have no time to go there and rekindle it.

Other Lessons

  • Living Wage Calculator
  • Mcdonalds is x3-4 more expensive than in the Philippines
  • Gel Pens and Pens are x4-x5 more expensive than in the philippines AND you cannot buy them individually. Stationary and Office supplies are expensive 
  • While groceries can be as expensive as the Philippines, eating out is x10-x15 more expensive than in the Philippines being x3-x5. 
  • You need a Car. while a Filipino may commute 3-4 hours a week covering 20-40mi in total, Americans commute by 2-3 hours these days and cover x2-x4 the distance one way. Americans commuting travel about x2 the distance in the same time than Filipinos in regular work. 

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