Low Self Control

So i've identified the me with poor self control and applied PDSA to it. the mechanic or model that if I control for Self-control I can choose strategies to mitigate that.

A no device policy after work is kinda hard to institute at home. Its easier to Quit than to Manage self-control. So its easier to manage my time distracted if I give up on it, in a given schedule.

A lot of my bad habits happen 2-3 hours after I wake up, and 2-3 hours near the time I need to sleep. The me I need to control or the me that Fails to self control is those guys a few hours after waking and before going to sleep.

With the me waking up - I have some habits like doing my Chinese and my exercise. Then there is the writing as well. A run and HIIT jogs my mind and sometimes acts as a Mindfulness exercise for me.

Choosing to sleep is the hardest - because I'm a very light sleeper. Its after a hard day and I want to relax and unwind. Its time with family and being part of that family when most of me is spent. The me then is not the best me - i can't pay attention, i am a terrible person, and I'm not a good human.

Some musings.

  1. I could see my "red lining" that I need to go to sleep? 
  2. What if I could identify all the barriers/challenges from getting to the Selfish me to the sleeping me? 
  3. What if I successfully sleep early enough to prevent the bad me? Does that mean I wake up earlier and fresher ever day? 
  4. what if that is true: that I can control the Bad me by sleeping ealier and ealier - when i begin to fail - I can choose to sleep and start again tomorrow? 
  5. What is the learning curve, what is it going to be like? 

The terrible me?

The thing is I can't be harsh on the bad me - thats what causes the terrible cycle to begin with. I can't be hateful or too regretful of the bad me. There will be people who will say I am a terrible person and that doesnt help. It doesnt help me to stop being told that I'm terrible when my Flaws are placed in a scale without my strengths to counter balance. 

In reflection - I can't be so hateful. The difference between someone distracted and someone with full mental capabilities - is very tangible but the conflict is that they are the same person. The same person can make bad decisions when brought low, the same person can do great things when brought high. 

This realization and concern is what has changed in my approach to people as I have gotten older. Its not that I need to know the Value Judgement - good or bad. Its more that I understand the circumstances that lead to a particular course of action or behavior. 

I need more sleep than other people.

The truth is I have different needs than other people. My family, and those who share our flaws, have this terrible trait of how our self control tends to fail and the direction it fails towards.