Lately been rolling low in the game. I make the broker rolls for our ship to get freight and passengers. I'm not bothered by it so much, I remember all the times I have this process that works - but it works within a narrow scope. Scope being if the Client really needs our product, or the Problem is really an IT problem and not a management system problem, is it really a politics problem, are the people I'm dealing with after some low hanging fruit or a quick buck,
When the Die rolls its the RANGE of possibilities against a System that maybe out of scope. After PMBOK and getting the hang of Plan-do-Check-Act as well as All the Due Diligence Techniques (What would a smarter person do?) If feels like there is some much chance and possibility.
Consciously I know where my limits are and what I am capable of doing, unfortunately, that's not what the client, bosses, or others may want or need.
I'm the Child of the Owner in a company with no one who can critique my work. When I fail no one will catch it, no one will check it. If I fail that's all me.
My parents probably went through the same (uncertainty if they are doing the right thing), since they built this company from scratch. Although I never have the confidence of having "built" something to believe I know what I'm doing.
My kids will have my socratic side to advise, someone who can do the tedium of assumption analysis... If I live that long lolz.
If lolo would be alive he'd be almost a hundred, its not in our genes to live that long. Its all for the best I'm not inclined to stick around once I start falling apart. I want some dignity of knowing - before I go - who I am.