Mindfulness Meditation and CBT/EQ Update and Progress.

 Mindfulness Meditation Update

  1. In the beginning, I could only do meditate with Nature Sounds in the background and in 10 minutes. 
  2. Later I had to differentiate thoughts - thoughts that were distractions and breathing. 
  3. The distractions were Daydreams (Pleasurable thoughts) and Negative Emotions. There were things in between where I discovered a problem, and it triggered me to make plans. I'm not supposed to PLAN in meditation. Its OK that I'm an idiot and I'm not supposed to be the person with all the answers and all the initiative. I'm supposed to meditate. 
    1. Pleasure = Daydreaming = Wishing = reminiscing  etc...
    2. Pain  = fears, anger, loss, sadness, etc...
  4. At the end of each mediation, I wanted to gorge-on and binge. 
  5. My sinus problems that happen at night seems to have gone away, I took Benedryl every night for almost 8 years and I've been sleeping successfully without it.  
  6. I am able to meditate for 15 minutes, from 10 mins. 
  7. My ability to differentiate thoughts lead me to the realization that:
    1. 99% Enduring urges to get distracted and Forgiving myself for getting Distracted
    2. that Enduring and Forgiving fluctuated. 
    3. Enduring leads to Distraction - getting hung up with Enduring leads me to be more distracted. 
    4. The absence of Pleasure is PAIN = enduring temptation to be distracted was painful.  
  8. I've been able to meditate without Nature Sounds. There is an "efficiency" similar to meditating with nature sounds. 
  9. That all improvement is done alone: no one wants to listen to your "meditation Theory", your discoveries, and tiny improvements. It can make me sad adjusting my worldview to fit the evidence
  10. The ability to Forgive myself was more important than my ability to resist the urge. I wish having the willpower to resist the urge was more important but that goes against the logic that we are flawed and thus we will be "sinning" or "failing" more often than succeeding. Being unable to fail or scared of failing by hoping we didn't need to fail with successfully fending off the weakness and temptation does not make sense. If failure is a teacher then to think I don't need to fail is hubris
    1. I don't end up resisting an URGE. Every failure I learn to change and be the kind of person where I don't care about what the urge promises

  1. Walking Mediation. I don't think I can do this without having leveled up to being able to meditate with so many distractions. probably 4kph to 6kph for 30mins to an hour. Without using any aids except for nature sounds or white noise. 
    1. We are evolved in a way that Running and Walking Meditation works. If I can combine these two tasks I will be more efficient because the time it takes to care for these two areas: health and mind is in one action. 
    2. Running Meditation would be the next step, hopefully years from now. By Running I mean >6kph.
  2. The cost of doing more meditation is more time for myself and seen as selfish. 
  3. Being able to remove the "Blank Stretches of Time" I end up in my social media and show binges, youtube and research rabbit hole. 
  4. Sleep 4-6 hours sustainably.

CBT Update

  1. Gratitude is in between Sadness and Happiness. 
    1. Sadness is the emotion that adjusts our expectations and understanding of the world and what is possible based on what we have observed. its our Emotion and STATE of world bookkeeping. 
    2. Sadness relates to Gratitude because it identifies what we have Left or what we can do. 
    3. We feel a kind of Happiness from understanding what we have left and what we are capable of doing. 
  2. The way we Analyze = seeing an issue with Different perspectives and Re-arranging the Data and Factors to look for Similarities and pattern is the SAME as our ability to feel many different emotions about a matter: 
    1. Too feel the Fear, Anger, sadness, Disgust about something is to see the Threats, Action to Take, things we want to Avoid, Reality we have to accept about these things. 
    2. Too Feel happiness and pleasure about it is the opportunity and possibility something can give. 
  3. Every Coping Mechanism: from Changing our Framing, Perspective, and Emotion about something is another moment of pause and thought.