Started meditating when I feel like binging anime and youtube. I realize that meditation 99% enduring my weakness and distraction - and that I will use a focus thought to get through it.
It being "painful" is me being alert to the meditation. There is going to be pain - from the stress of my arms holding a position for 15 mins. My mental mantra is "I am trying to focus on my breathing" which is quite literal. its followed by "Its ok that 99% of the time I am distracted and tempted to break from this."
Twice today I meditated. Once when waking up but didn't want to get out of bed. I realized that when I am afraid and anxious I should meditate. Once before dinner because I was tempted to kill time in youtubue.
Today was strange, I slept at 2am, but was able to wake up at 6am but didnt feel groggy - more of anxious that I may get myself sick by not sleeping enough. Will try to meditate when I wake up early.