Memory and Ruminations - Problems with Attention

when i do chinese I mix up the following:

参 & 慕,瓜&爬,迎&聊,盘&盆,増&尊,夏&复,照顾&顾客,李&季,糖&甜,进&近,尤&优,介&价,静&境,and MANY more words because they have similarities in Long term memory storage. Long term memory is how we call on words we dont consciously think about. The mere act of writing all this down is calling on a vocabulary i dont really think about and yet a college level educated person has a 30-40k word vocabulary. A filipino is bi lingual. There are economies and limits - Patterns have a limit in the amount of Time it takes the brain. The way as we get older we take longer to sort knowledge in our head - from false memories, to biases we have or environment afflicts on us, to remembering where we stored a Document version of this knowledge. 


In Anki they call this Leech or Interference. They cannot be formed distinctly - the neurons cannot generate a path and pattern that is maintained = the brain will always try to shorten to steps because flashbacks and tangents are the outcome of too long pattern strings. The more one pushes one's memory the more "Flashbacks" and Replaying and Rumination happens - to maintain the memory the brain Replays so much baggage. Or the person goes into LONG LONG TANGENTS. 


it erodes their attention. 


A friend got me into Spaced Repetition and it structured my pendatry - as well as understood why i remember certain things but forget stuff. Accepting the limits of what I can hold mentally. 


The more one's profession deals with DATA - particularly Analysis their mental real-estate changes - one of the things I noticed as I played TRPGs, Strategy Games, and Reflex Games like FPS is how it exercised different parts of the brain and it reflected or magnified aspects of my personality as the context changes. 


Reflex is not a problem when I spend hours to hone it... but my job has nothing to do with reflex - I have to look at Performance of Plant and IT and look for patterns. Strategy Games feel great and I get validation when I win BUT that's not the JOB - most information is from PEOPLE and the EQ to approach people is closer to TRPGs. TRPGs though is the best which improves my EQ as I not only read the GM and the other Players, but figure out what we all want out of the game and how to achieve it all as a Win-Win. 


The thing about it is EQ is not all of life, life is sadly a mix of mental puzzles and EQ puzzles - plus other physical puzzles. 


I need to be able to understand Chinese because it is the MOST MISUNDERSTOOD in the context of my circumstance. It combines elements of a Int Puzzle and EQ puzzle. I can understand Western world and its hypocrisies but often that NUANCE is never applied to Chinese or Chinese culture or South Asian or Middle Eastern etc... 


I need to learn something very DIFFERENT from my world and my mental Architecture. So different I cannot hear the sounds they produce - the subtlies of ji vs zhi I mix up even if I know what to look for (jee vs jer) and ACCENTS of beijinger, hunanese, Guangzhou, etc... fucking make it hard - like learning from a NJ/down town NY accent and mid western and not knowing when its a NJer or Mid-Western person talking. I can tell what accent is talking in English but cannot tell what accent is talking in Chinese which is a BIG difference. Taiwanese Mandarin is as different as British is to American English.  


so different that my entire programming or underlying mental architecture is getting deconstructed. "Was that an Audio illusion" I have to verify visually what the person said. 


note that Chinese has a WPM 50-100% greater than English in both speech and writing. Imagine that I can listen at 400-600 WPM speech but Chinese are already listening at a natural rate of 300-400 already at the default - that means other educated Chinese can listen at 600-1000wpm than me. 


The Idea Density of the Language is similar to ours - characters holding More context because of the Radicals. Architecturally speaking someone raised in English and Learning Chinese has to break out some parts and rewire so much. 


Imagine if I could practice my Chinese speaking everyday or RUN games in Chinese.  the rewiring will be accelerated and Ill be downloading an entirely different culture and context. 


If already the depth of being Filipino has complexity - why jump to conclusions - what makes us think Indian, Middle Eastern or Chinese is something to be judged without Context? 


lolz how Chinese is both a technical study and an emotional study how it all connects in my brain. As I get older the knowledge I take in kinda weaken me - causing me to pause longer and run into tangents. I am my grand father - when he pauses to think a long one minute before he continues speaking - when he breaks into sadness and flashbacks. When he struggles to be present when so much Time and Experience replay in his mind everyday. 

I know I've forgotten so much - and there is a sadness for what I've lost but the inability to grasp it context - knowing I may never know. how can one be curious knowing they can never know somethings. 

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