What happened today: I could not answer well enough.

 i thought i would have more time. that my brain can still run ok. 

but now I have a hard time thinking fast enough to be decisive. 

Before I could at least think of +2-3 things that may happen and prepare for that. Now I struggle to think of one and end up forgetting to write it down. 

Well I wanted to be hands-on. so hands-on I cant do planning. 

so during the operations meeting, I had nothing to follow up on. I went through the checklist and typically can remember 2+ things that I failed to write down and write it down there. Now I have no idea because in my checklist I cannot find anything I missed... and I KNOW I ALWAYS MISS SOMETHING. 

this is how my brain degrades. early 40s - sad most of the time and struggling to keep optimistic and look for opportunities and be grateful has eaten up all my mental energy. to be able to see what I may lose and what may be - to see an opportunity in every loss is first dealing with the loss before it has even happened.